Monday, February 20, 2006

Grad Students Say the Darndest Things 2 and introducing the Grad Student Lexicon

It's time for a second entry of Grad Students Say the Darndest Things. Today's installment comes to us courtesy of Parmesan cheese, which apparently has a penchant for spilling all over the place.

Italian guy (in Italian accent): "Whadda mess! you spillda yer jizz all over the place!"
American Girl: "What?! Oh, CHEESE!"
Italian guy: "That'sa whadda I said, jizz..."

Also, I'd like to introduce a new segment which will hopefully become a regular feature on this blog. I call it the grad student lexicon, specialized terminology created for the very unique living conditions of grad students. Today's entry:

Frunk (adj): a state of such extreme intoxication resulting in foolish behaviour. See also "F%$#ing Drunk"
usage: After not drinking for a month and a half, Jeremie got frunk at his birthday and insisted on taking his shirt off and touching boys inappropriately.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Essay-related musings

The Blinking-Cursor Demon
by. The Bedouin Project

blinking cursor, why do you mock me so?
don't you know your incessant blinking makes me feel so low?
I look at the blank page, white as freshly fallen snow
and think to myself "out, I shan't go"

blinking cursor, cease your incessant assault!
writers' block is hardly my fault!

blinking cursor, forgive my procrastination
but sitting staring at the screen has cause great alienation

blinking cursor, I beg you, give me some sweet respite
I promise maybe, perhaps tomorrow, I'll sit down and write

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

With your help, we can find a cure

Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such health awareness films as "Stop! You Don't Know Where She's Been" and "That's Not For Eating." I'm here to talk to you today about an ailment which is proliferating throughout the grad student community: Nesmitis. Named after the first victim in which it was diagnosed, Nesma, (though it assuredly existed un-diagnosed beforehand), Nesmitis is characterized by napping 6, sometimes 7 times a day, the profound inability to get out of bed in the morning, and narcolepsy-like fits of spontaneous sleep. Initial statistic indicated that 4 out of 5 grad students were afflicted by this ailment, but as testing procedures improve, statistics appear to indicate that as many as 6 out of 5 may be affected. No cure is yet known for Nesmitis, though "graduation" is currently undergoing clinical tests for efficacy. Results are thus far mixed.

If you, or someone you know is affected by Nesmitis, you may be able to help. Keep a sleeping bag and/or pillow handy for unexpected Nesmitic attacks. Learn to sleep upright. Drinking copious amounts of coffee has been known to ameliorate the symptoms of Nesmitis to a limited extent. Perhaps most importantly, be supportive of those you love who suffer from this insidious disease. Do not accuse them of laziness or procrastination. They have enough to struggle with already.

This has been a public service announcement courtesy of the Nesmitis Awareness Association.