Thursday, December 21, 2006

Shameless Bragging Redux: Tales of my Idiocy

Well, since my last blog post consisted of myself shamelessly boasting about my limitless brilliance, I figure it only right that I follow it up with a blog past about my equally boundless if you needed any further evidence...

I woke up around 1 or 2 am last night to use the little boys room. My flat was pitch black, because that's the only way I can sleep and since I'm lazy and didn't want to hurt my eyes by switching on the lights...I didn't. I figured that I had some kind of bat or dolphin-like sonar and would be able to find my way to the bathroom in pitch black just fine.

You'll never quite realize just how much velocity and force a groggy human walks with at 1 in the morning until you walk headlong into a wall. Not so much a wall in fact as much as the intersection of two perpendicular walls forming a sharp 90 degree corner.

Now, a combination of general aversion to all things athletic and a generally sheltered life have meant that I've never really taken any sharp blows to the head (I know this will come as a surprise to all of you). It's amazing how the body reacts in these situations. All of a sudden my ears started hissing really loudly and I felt nauseous and dizzy. I gingerly felt my way to the washroom (having lost all confidence in my sonar) and was quite surprised to see a rather large split in my brow, from which copious amounts of blood was flowing. Have you ever had these kind of seminal moments of epiphany where you discover things about yourself? Well, I had always known I was vain, but I never knew just how vain until, upon seeing this sight, I thought to myself: "Shit...that's going to leave a scar..."

I spent the next two hours applying pressure and icing it in order to stop the bleeding while I stayed up and watched al Jazeera English. Moral of the story: pee before going to bed.


At 12:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Except for when your mom dropped you. You forgot to mention that time, when your mom dropped you.

I'm sure brother David will back me up on this one.

Wanna start an E. Said book club? Look for the post:

At 6:48 PM, Blogger Balcancan said...

Why is this a bad thing? You can now officially be as sexy as Pacino in Scarface. Ooooooooooooooh la la...

At 5:59 PM, Blogger T said...

you could pretend it's a battle scar. you know, from doing underground fight clubs and stuff. or from that time you were in 'nam and a vietcong bastard snuck up from behind and put a knife to your throat. but little did he know about your krav maga/capoeira skills that let you dance away and then shove glass shards in his eye.

wow, what a fun story. i can go on all day. :)

maybe your new year's resolution can be to make up a really good story about your scar that beats "i walked into a wall."


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